Gap Gen wrote:
Looked at it again. There are some nice layout tricks there, like the tall panel with the gunmen, or Crane's arm hanging off the edge of the frame. I wonder whether the sudden change in amount of dialogue is a bit jarring? You could do something interesting with it, maybe, or add a single frame of text in the very last corner, just to bookend it? Another idea might be to look at the sounds happening in the other frames - it feels a bit silent as it is. Also, maybe work on the running poses - some of them look like he's striding instead.
YAY, more critique! Okay yeah I'm pretty shit with human anatomy, so yeah there are a number of poses which are a bit cack but I am studying a book on that so that should hopefully be sorted for the next project. Hopefully. I concede your point on the dialogue, I think, more so than the lack of dialogue itself being a problem, I believe it could be the hugely uneven distribution of meaningful dialogue that causes a serious issue in the reading. I hadn't really thought of that, so yeah I'll watch for that again.
Sounds effects offered two problems, first I found it hard to verbalize sounds myself and the few I had planned were taken pretty much directly from comics I was reading as reference guides. Secondly I ran a day late on this and I really just wanted to get it done and finished so that I could put it to one side and start working on a new draft of my dreams/nightmares story. Sounds definitely are important and doubly so in my Dreams story, which means that they really have to be quite prevalent for that.
I am finished with this, so nothing more will be done, but I appreciate the feedback and what I learn will, to the best of abilities be put into the graphic novel I plan for next year.
The more critique the better. I'm not here to be told that it's great and all that. I want to know what you think went wrong (typos and junk aside) what bits stood out as working really well, and what bits just didn't work at all. What are the your thoughts on the solid colours panels? I generally thought they were good except for the second last panel on page 7.
Thought on the flow of the comic, did your eyes always immediately move to the next panel in sequence or was the layout confused? Page 4 I found to be a bit of a culprit for this, in that I found my eye moving down from the first panel, rather than across.
Yeah and any other places where you felt it wasn't up to scratch, i.e. it didn't look professional.
EDIT: Less monologue? That is interesting, because that was nearly all put in at the last minute because I didn't feel the action was speaking for itself, and with Dreams there definitely will be more monologue, as the dreams are narrated. Do you find you dislike monologues in comics and stories in general or was it just what I had written?
I'm glad you enjoyed watching the different stages, it was one of the main reasons I started this thread, and for the bit of support.
I wonder whether doing the entire thing without text would work? So you'd replace the monologue with Batman looking disapprovingly at hookers in the street, drunks wandering past, rubbish, etc, instead of the monologue.
Ah, I'm going to venture a no. A couple of things, Batman, isn't actually Roschach, so he can't just walk down the street and snear at people but I think more importantly than that, the opening page was four, fairly pleasant panels where the reading of the monologue gives quite a deal more background on "my" batman than I could otherwise produce in 2 to 3 pages worth of action shots. To put all that monologue information into some sort of coherent sequence of actions would be pretty difficult and would nearly require itself own comic (or flash backs as Trollslayer suggested). Comics are an efficient combination of words and pictures. Sometimes text can paint a far more vivid picture than paint itself and I think that is, to a great extent what comics are all about. Giving people the imagery of the room and the surroundings, the action and the characters, without having to give some fluffy superfluous crap descriptions that make up the modern novel. But to progress story and put across deep emotion, the comic still depends on text.